I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
