Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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