We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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