i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
