i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
