Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
