i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
