um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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