Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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