please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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