..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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