She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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