are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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