1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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