Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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