You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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