Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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