I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
