he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
