Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
