she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
