Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
