I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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