They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
