Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
