It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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