We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
