Non-Jews are for practice
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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