Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
