If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
