Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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