oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize