Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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