so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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