His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize