At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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