Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
