I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
