How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
