Plan B is the new Plan A
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
