4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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