Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
