dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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