any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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