Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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