She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
