sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
