4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
