Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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