I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
