dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
