How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
