if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
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