Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
