her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
