I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
