8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
