After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
