oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
