Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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