Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
where are my eyebrows?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
