sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish there were birth control emojis
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize