The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
