careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
