so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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