I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
