so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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