last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
