Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
