I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
