My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
