I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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