The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
