Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
