I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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